Seriously, what in god's name are you wearing?

If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times(clever little american expression, doesn't even make sense)...but honestly, I've said it time and time again (ha, i'm on a roll here:) No, all jokes aside, it's like beating a dead horse (I'm stopping I swear. I didn't even plan this part of the blog it just kind of snowballed into this incredibly unnecessary waste of your time...

I'll carry on.In my very brief Christmas shopping time at the mall this year I was absolutely flabbergasted at the ungodly things people put on their bodies and call "clothes". First and foremost, we need to have a serious conversation about the Ed Hardy trend that is taking over the middle-american person's wardrobe. The faux tattoo print and studded heart thing is atrocious. They are ugly as sin. And you bat-shit crazy people pay a hefty price for those white-trash looking articles of clothing?! Gotta stop. It's completely unacceptable. And you're only wearing it because it's "trendy". No one in their right mind actually thinks that shit is attractive.

Secondly: and this one goes out primarly to women between the age of 35 and 50. There is a large gap between vintage and expired. Just because you bought something at a thrift store or saved it from 82'(pre-offspring years, you know, back when you were three sizes smaller and jeans up to your tits were in style.) doesn't make something "vintage". We've all heard the term "mom jeans" before. I prefer to refer to things like "mom jeans" or "puffy paint shirts" as EXPIRED. It's like an old gallon of milk or three week old lunch meat, ladies. Throw that shit out. And please don't get me wrong, men are guilty of sporting expired clothes all the time. Those light denim jeans that are too big in your bathing-suit area and have a giant hole in the ass belong on the homeless guy you just bummed a cigarette to. Expired. And throw out that old band t-shirt from a concert you didn't even go to that barely fits and has a permanent stain on it. Expired.

90's grunge should never have reemerged. no reason for it. Kurt Cobain is dead so quit trying to impress him.

Bare-midruffs are acceptable at the beach or any other destination where it is necessary for you to wear a bathingsuit. Intentional bare-midruffs at any other juncture are horrifying. No one, and I mean NO ONE at publix, the post office or the the local farmers market wants to see your belly button and stretch marks. No, really, they don't.

and last but certainly not least (ha, threw one in at the end there, ya see that?;)
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PANTS?! that's a tunic or a long t-shirt. It is NOT a dress. your dimply ass-cheeks are exposed and it's 50 degrees outside. Unless you're...no, wait. Let me stop right there because there is absolutely NO excuse to wear something so short that I can almost see your baby-maker. Go home and put on a goddamn pair of pants.

Now, I'm no fashionista, so don't get me wrong. My daily uniform consists of jean cut-offs, a cut up t-shirt and a pair of boots. But I am not going out of my way to wear something "trendy" or "hot" only to look like an Ed Hardy store threw up on me or like I'm about to go turn tricks on the corner of OBT. Take a good look in the mirror before you step out next time because you'll never know when I'll be around to observe and then write a blog about it;)

Merry Christmas:)