Every little girls dream...the dress, the church, the flowers, the ring and most importantly the wealthy, semi-attractive and horribly un-interesting man (with "old man" breath) that you'll get to spend the REST of your life with. Aaahhh, marriage. Forever wedded in "Holy Matrimony". Whatever the fuck that means.
Okay, I'm sorry. I realize that the previous statement is unecessarily bitter and sarcastic and probably provoked by the fact that I actually had those "dreams" at one point in my adolescent days before I realized a number of things about myself and the world around me. I understand the idea and the importance of "being married" and taking your committed relationship to the next and ultimate level. But the spectacle and hooplah surrounding weddings and marriages these days is absolutley mind boggling and down right disgusting if you ask me, but I guess no one did, huh?
I was recently a bridesmaid (which I'm sorry but the word alone is a kick in the taco; it essentially means "a person in a secondary position who never quite attains a goal".) So what do you say when someone asks you to be a bridesmaid? Thank you or fuck you? Allow me to provide you all with one of my ever-so-helpful disclaimers: I adore all of my friends who have ever asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding. I would do it time and time again for anyone who I loved. I am merely expressing my innermost thoughts in regards to the circuses that people are calling "weddings" these days. First, there's the engagement party, then the engagement party for people who missed the initial engagement party. Then there's the bridal shower for close family and friends. Followed by the bridal shower for people who you feel "obligated" to include. (seriously, don't even fucking think about saying anything about my unessecary use of quotations. I am well aware of my purposeful and excessive grammatical errors. This is a stupid blog not the goddamn Wall Street Journal and I'm certainly no Jane Eyer.) After the bridal shower there's the costly and embarassing bachelorette party where you discover which of your "friends" are capable of working a stripper pole about as well as their Daddy's can shoot a birdie on the 18th hole at the local golf resort. (where they are undoubdetly having an affair with the underage cocktail waitress.) And who could forget the Bridal Luncheon? What the fuck is a luncheon? a lunch that goes on for eons? I can only imagine that water with cucumber sandwhiches are involved. Along with light pink dresses and red lipstick. And please dear god (who isn't real) don't forget the rehearsal dinner. What could you possibly be rehearsing? This isn't fucking broadway. You don't need to learn 14 Bob Fosse routines people! On top of all of these pre-ceremonious ceromonies you have the ultimate ceremony...THE WEDDING. This is where you spend the entire day "preparing" for "the big day". Did you know that people actually clap at weddings? clap. they clap, they applaud. They applaud for the new married couple as if they were a pro sports player who just scored a home run. (which also makes absolutley no sense to me at all either. why the fuck do I want to sit and watch some tall, bowling-ball shouldered man throw an orange ball into a stupid net for two hours?)
Well, I think that I have driven my point home in a crass yet graceful manner. So I'll quit while I'm ahead. (and believe you me((<--dumbest saying ever) I could go on forever). To make a not-so-long story short: weddings have become ridiculous to an obscene level. No one wants to watch you stand in front of a church for more than 10 minutes. No one wants to celebrate your love for half a year. If you have good friends and family they will celebrate your love perpetually. You don't need an audience of acquaintances to validate your love and future together.
until next time,
the most bitter bitch in the universe:)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment